Why I'm Saying 'Yes' to a 'Yes Day' With My Black Boys

As a mom to three Black boys (ages 9, 11, and 14), I spend most of my days setting boundaries and saying "no." While boundaries are THE thing that helps me keep it together, I've been wondering: what if I flipped the script? What if, just for one day, my sons got to call the shots?

The Fear Behind Letting Go

First, we have to acknowledge what makes "Yes Day" terrifying for parents: deliberately relinquishing control feels unnatural. We set boundaries for good reasons—children make impulsive choices, lack foresight, and could potentially make decisions with consequences that outlast a single day.

What if my 9-year-old's sugar binge leads to a massive meltdown? What if my 14-year-old stays up all night gaming and throws off his sleep schedule for a week? These fears aren't irrational; they're rooted in our understanding of child development and our responsibility as parents.

But here's what I've realized: our traditional parenting approach starts with "no" as the default, with a slight possibility of being persuaded to "yes." What if…sometimes…on specific occasions…we flipped this dynamic entirely? What if we started with "yes" and only moved to "no" when absolutely necessary?

The Case for "Yes" With Black Boys

Let's be real—Black boys encounter enough external "no's" in their lives. Studies show that Black children, especially boys, face stricter discipline in schools and are often perceived as older and less innocent than their peers.

A "Yes Day" offers my sons a powerful experience of agency—a safe space to make decisions and see them respected. What may start as surface-level requests can emerge as an opportunity to practice executive functioning skills like planning and considering consequences.

Setting Realistic Guardrails

A successful "Yes Day" needs clear boundaries from the start:

• Financial limits (no, we can't buy a PlayStation 5 today)

• Safety non-negotiables (no, we can't try parkour on the roof)

• Time boundaries (yes, this lasts for one defined day)

  
  

I'm not suggesting reckless abandonment of parental guidance. Instead, I'm proposing a contained experiment with guardrails that protect the babies while still allowing them freedom within those boundaries.

The Real-World Cost

Let's be honest about another barrier: "Yes Days" we see in movies often involve significant financial resources. Bubble foam parties, elaborate outings, and special treats add up to money we ain't got. I mean… they drove a car through the car wash with the windows down. So now how they gonna drive these kids to all their practices and events and whatnot? (I can’t even.)

My version will reflect our family's actual budget. Our "Yes Day" might involve cooking together rather than expensive restaurants, a movie marathon at home instead of front-row concert tickets, or a park adventure rather than an amusement park.

Practicing New Power Dynamics

What excites me most is how this experiment might reshape our everyday interactions. When we start with "yes," we consider our children's desires as real options worth exploring.

"Can we build a massive fort in the living room?" becomes an opportunity to problem-solve together: "Yes, and let's think about what materials we need and how we'll clean up afterward."

This approach transforms power dynamics from opposition to collaboration, teaching children to articulate what they want and consider practical implementation—skills they'll need throughout life.

Black Joy as Revolution

Creating space for pure, unadulterated fun isn't frivolous—it's necessary. As Kleaver Cruz reminds us in the Black Joy Project, "When we acknowledge that we exist in an anti-Black world that is set up to ensure we do not live, to choose life and to choose to enjoy aspects of that life is a radical act."

I want my boys to know deep in their bones that they deserve joy, deserve to be heard, and deserve to make choices about their lives. Sometimes the most powerful question in parenting isn't "What should I teach my children today?" but simply "What would make us all laugh together today?"

And what a beautiful thing for Black boys to grow up with laughter as the soundtrack to their childhoods.

Have you tried a "Yes Day" with your children? Are you brave enough to consider it? Or maybe you and another mama are planning a "Yes Day" together? Any tips? Tell me how it went! I'd love to hear your thoughts.